How to tell if you are being catfished
When we talk about the dangers of the online world, especially the online dating world, catfishing is one of the most common and hardest to identify. Although there is no way to collect exact data on this deceptive behavior, reports indicate that at least 20,000 people in the United States lose money to catfishing annually.
Given how common the issue is, keeping yourself safe online includes learning the warning signs of catfishing and being prepared to deal with it.
What does being catfished mean?
According to CNN, “Catfishing is when a person uses false information and images to create a fake identity online with the intention to trick, harass, or scam another person.”
Catfishing most commonly takes place on dating apps, but it can happen on any other social media or messaging platform as well. Sometimes, the catfisher is intentionally seeking to scam a target out of money, possessions, or sexually explicit material. That motivation is not required for it to count as catfishing, however; often, predators catfish for other kinds of gratification.
The term itself was coined as part of a 2010 documentary by Nev Shulman, who formed an online relationship with a person he believed to be a teenage girl. Ultimately, the individual proved to be an older woman instead. “Catfish” was used as a metaphor, harkening to the (likely false) story that fish exporters in Alaska used to ship catfish alongside cod in order to keep the cod watchful and alert.
Shulman went on to host an MTV reality show about the deceptive relationship practice. Catfish: The TV Show lasted for eight seasons. The show’s premise featured the hosts helping people test if potential online love interests were who they claimed to be.
“Catfishing” is related to the idea of a “bait and switch” scheme, which Merriam-Webster defines as “the ploy of offering a person something desirable to gain favor then thwarting expectations with something less desirable.”
Many individuals who engage in catfishing build extraordinarily robust online profiles, making it difficult to detect the scheme until it’s too late. The rise of Artificial Intelligence has made it easier than ever for predators to build believable false identities, complete with images and even videos. Before, they would have to find and repurpose content from real people. Now, it’s as simple as typing a prompt into an image generator.
Here are a few possible signs that someone’s profile is purporting to be something that it isn’t.
1. Their profiles are very new or barely used
Look someone up across all social channels. If all of their profiles are brand-new, that could be a red flag. If their profiles seem dormant or do not have many natural interactions with other accounts, that could also be a sign that they are not genuine.
2. They avoid showing their face
Are they hesitant to get on a video call? Do they solicit Snapchat photos, but never seem to send any of themselves in return? Although some people are naturally more reserved, if this behavior persists, it’s worth asking why.
3. They know exactly how to make you feel good
Often, predators will research targets in advance so that they know exactly what interests to mimic and vulnerabilities to exploit. If someone is showering you with compliments or digital gifts, or if they seem to always keep the conversation on you, your personal details, and your interests, this could be lovebombing to earn your trust.
4. They want to get personal or event intimate very quickly
If someone escalates a conversation into really personal, intimate, or sexual territory early on, it’s always a red flag. This is especially true if they are asking for those kinds of conversations before revealing many personal details about themselves. This is a classic grooming behavior.
5. Their story doesn’t add up
Even the most dedicated catfisher might slip up and say things that conflict. Be sure that information about their work, their location, and their living situation are consistently the same. Pay attention to any discrepancies.
6. They seem too good to be true
Most importantly, if someone online seems to be too good to be true, they probably are. This isn’t to say that real connections can’t be formed online. But if someone constantly leaves you feeling starstruck with how perfect they are, proceed with caution. Everyone has flaws, and a lack of imperfections signals inauthenticity.
Why do people catfish others?
As mentioned before, sometimes people catfish in order to extort others for money or sexual material. But often, the con itself is all they’re focused on. What motivates people to behave that way?
“A common thread among many of the reasons why people catfish is an absence of self-confidence,” offers Fortinet. “When people are either personally dissatisfied with themselves or feel their real identity is not good enough to accomplish a certain objective, they may assume another ‘self’ to feel better or attain the desired result.”
The experience of being able to gain connection, even false connection, with whoever they want may be validating for a catfisher. They may be acting out of a belief that they can’t get a boyfriend/girlfriend in any other way. There may also be deep underlying mental health challenges, such as antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy) or narcissistic personality disorder.
Other times, catfishing may be deeply personal, such as an ex out for revenge or a bully trying to shame or humiliate a classmate.
Is catfishing illegal?
Technically speaking, catfishing by itself is not illegal. There are no laws regulating the online profiles you make and whether they accurately represent you as a person. In fact, one study found that as many as 81% of individuals lie about at least one thing on their dating profiles.
However, if catfishing progresses to sextortion, then it becomes a crime. If the deception is used to defraud someone out of money, it could be considered identity theft, especially if the predator is posing as a real person.
What are the psychological effects of catfishing?
Catfishing leaves its victims with damaged self-worth. They may even experience it as trauma. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and PTSD. People who already have problems with healthy attachments are more vulnerable to catfishing to begin with. Experiencing that kind of betrayal may exacerbate their loneliness and fear.
The effects of catfishing have been well-documented through high-profile cases, such as that of soccer player Manti Te’o. The athlete ended up in a relationship with someone who catfished him into believing that he was dating a woman named Lennay Kekua. Ultimately, the scammers convinced him that his “girlfriend” died of leukemia.
In a statement, Te’o said, “This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with a woman I met online. We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about her. To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone’s sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating.”
As a well-known public figure, Te’o had access to support and private investigators to pursue justice. The average person will likely never experience that kind of resolution to their heartbreak.
What can you do if you’re being catfished?
If you suspect that you might be in a catfishing relationship, there are actions that you can take.
- Reverse image search to see if the photos they are using have appeared on other sites attached to different names.
- Identify if any images they’ve sent are A.I. generated.
- Look up their other social media profiles or Google their name; almost every real person has some kind of digital footprint.
- Screenshot images of conversations. This will give you evidence if you need to report their account later.
- Ask direct questions about their reason for refusing to make video calls or meet in person. Pay attention if they get defensive or evasive.
- As soon as any suspicions arise, avoid sharing any additional personal information. If they are trying to blackmail you for money, don’t send it.
- Once you are relatively sure that they are catfishing you, you can report the profile as false. Be sure to also block the profile everywhere you’ve connected so that they cannot cause further harm.
How can you heal from being catfished?
If you’ve experienced catfishing, the best way to rebuild your sense of worth and trust is through engaging in healthy, safe relationships — ideally, face-to-face.
This could include focusing on friendships for a while, sharing what you’ve experienced while opening yourself to receiving their support. You could also seek counseling from a professional therapist who is equipped to support those in relational crises. You can find services in your area at twloha.com/find-help. If you are having a really hard time and need someone safe to talk to immediately, contact the crisis text line by texting HOME to 741741.
