Did you know that having regular conversations with your teen about technology is one of the best ways to protect them from digital exploitation?
Talking to them and interacting with them on a regular basis creates an environment of stability, security, and trust where they know it’s okay to be honest. It provides a safe place where they can ask questions and come should they make a mistake or get into a situation that they don’t know how to handle.
Having good conversations with your teen is an art. It takes intentionality, awareness, and, like any social skill, lots of practice. Don’t worry if it’s hard at first. It will get easier the more you do it.
Conversations with your teen should happen regularly and without a lot of fanfare or hype. They can be brief. Spontaneous. Light-hearted. As much as they can, they should just be a normal part of everyday life. Look for opportunities to bring up topics related to something happening in the present that might be awkward if addressed later out of the blue.
Hear a news report mention sextortion? Ask them if it’s ever happened to one of their friends.
Drive past a billboard about a new cell phone? Ask them what they think about it and why.
Watching TV together? Mute the commercials and ask them to share what their favorite video has been on social media recently and why. Then share yours.
Driving them to an evening school event? Share with them a funny story of something awkward that happened to you as a teenager.
Here’s something else to consider. How you approach these conversations matters. Your posture will set the tone and determine whether your teen will continue talking with you in the future.
Here are some tips for engaging in conversation with an open, productive mindset.
Tip #1: Foster a safe, judgment-free environment.
Your teen will share with you if they believe that what they say won’t change how you feel about them – no matter what it is. Make sure that your actions and reactions, not just your words, affirm this belief.
Tip #2: Ask open-ended questions.
Ask a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer, and then give them an opportunity to share whatever they want. Be interested in whatever they choose to share, regardless of whether the conversation goes the way you expected.
Tip #3: Approach conversations with a posture of curiosity and empathy.
It is impossible to be both curious and judgmental about something. When you are curious, you remain judgment-free. Regardless of what your teen tells you, keep in mind they are still learning who they are and figuring out who they want to be.
Tip #4: Have ongoing micro-conversations.
Instead of having one big conversation about technology, have a series of micro-conversations. These are small, regular conversations that fit into your day-to-day life.
Tip #5: Practice your not-shocked face.
Be aware that as you invite your teen into these conversations, you may hear things that alarm you or that you are not prepared for. It is important that even if you feel alarmed on the inside, your body language and face remain calm and safe. Your child will likely be able to pick up on any subtle emotional shifts their words cause.
Tip #6: Be prepared to make changes yourself.
You should not ask something of your teen that you are not prepared to do yourself. So, as you interact with your teen around tech, consider making changes to your own habits.
Now that you’re ready to have conversations about healthy technology use with your teen, where do you start? Here are 5 great conversation starters to get you going.
1. If you could change one way I use tech, what would you change? Do you think I am on my screen too much?
2. What’s the meanest thing you’ve seen online this week?
3. If you could give one piece of technology advice to your younger siblings, what would it be?
4. Have you ever unfollowed someone or an account? What changed your mind about them?
5. If you could be an influencer with a massive following on one social media platform, which would it be? Why?
Having conversations with your teen doesn’t have to be difficult. Normalize talking about hard things. Don’t be afraid to embrace the awkward. Practice the muscle of having regular micro-conversations with your teens about tech, and over time, it will become easier.
We promise, while it might feel uncomfortable in the moment, the groundwork that it lays for future conversations is invaluable.
So talk to your children. Ask them if any of these questions have come up. Find out if your child has been in touch with someone who has invited them to a new platform. Share with them why it matters.
The more proactively and regularly you can engage with your kids on these hard topics, the more they’ll be aware of the warning signs of potential exploitation and know that you’re paying attention and ready to help them avoid it.
