Parenting kids in our digital world is challenging. It can feel like you’re trying to teach them how to fly a jet while sitting in the co-pilot seat, frantically searching YouTube for instructional videos on how to fly it yourself. It’s a race to learn all the things quickly enough to help your kids safely land the plane.
When it comes to parenting digital natives, there’s no instruction manual. No generation before has parented in a fully digital world. In fact, no other generation has done what today’s parents are trying to do: protect and equip their kids in a highly connected, intrinsically digital world.
Does that thought overwhelm you? If so, you’re not alone.
In 2020, a Pew Research survey found that two-thirds of U.S. parents think parenting is harder than it was 20 years ago.
This is in large part because of the prevalence of technology. Parents are suddenly having to navigate new territories like screen time, mental health, and tech addiction. Additionally, this same study found that most parents are concerned about the long-term effects of smartphones on children’s development: 71% believe the widespread use of smartphones by young children might potentially result in more harm than benefits.
Despite this concern, it’s an unavoidable reality. Being unprepared to parent a digitally connected child really isn’t an option. But here’s some good news. You might be navigating the unknown and learning as you go, but there are some practical, immediate steps you can take to protect your children.
As a leading anti-human trafficking organization, The Exodus Road is intimately familiar with the dark world of online exploitation. In our anti-trafficking work, we’ve witnessed a continual rise in exploitation that begins in the online spaces we all know and participate in daily. We’ve learned the tactics of perpetrators, the vulnerabilities that increase the likelihood an individual might be exploited, and the practical steps individuals can take to protect themselves online.
Recent reports by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s Cybertipline identify over 30M tips of suspected child sexual exploitation each year, on average. Children and teens are increasingly vulnerable, and that’s why we have made it a priority to equip parents and teens to stay safe online.
Here are 7 practical steps you can take right now to protect your kids from exploitation
Delay as long as possible.
Okay, this is not something to do, but rather something to avoid doing. And there’s a reason we’ve made this #1. If we could offer just one piece of advice, especially for parents of middle school children, we would say: Delay as long as possible. The longer you can stall your kids’ interactions with technology, the better. Delay getting them a smartphone, giving them access to social media, and letting them have their own profiles and accounts. Delay video games and delay them getting a TV in their room. Research has shown that the longer you can give your child’s brain and social skills to develop without technology, the better. And every day you delay counts.
Of course, you can (and should) only delay for so long. When it’s time to introduce technology to your child, or if you are already well down that path, don’t stress. There are still lots of things you can do to protect them.
01
Do a tech audit of your home.
To most effectively protect your children, you have to understand their vulnerabilities.
As you assess your home environment, some good questions to consider are:
- What devices in my home can be used to connect to the internet?
- Do we have old, unused devices around that my child might be able to use?
- Where are devices used in my home? Are there spaces in the house where devices can be used in private?
- Does everyone have access to all devices through shared passwords?
- Do we have a VPN?
- How often do we monitor screen time, look at search history, or access chat logs?
- Have we installed a content filter like Bark or Net Nanny on our kid’s devices?
02
Commit to regular conversation.
Just as some teens find it hard to talk to their parents, it can be challenging as a parent to initiate a conversation about technology with your teen. When talking to your child, remember posture is everything. Approach the discussion with an open-minded, curious, non-judgmental attitude. Remember, healthy dialogue requires a two-way conversation. Ask good questions. Make it safe for them to answer truthfully. Practice your not-shocked face.
A few questions you could start with are:
- What do you like most about technology? What do you dislike?
- What are the top three apps you use? Why?
- What role do you think technology should play in our lives?
- What do you wish I did differently in how I use technology?
- Is there anything you’d like me to know about you regarding technology?
03
Know the dangerous apps.
While the digital landscape is constantly changing, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with some of the more dangerous apps that are popular among children and teens. Three of the most dangerous apps are Snapchat, Instagram, and Discord.
Here’s why:
- Snapchat has a disappearing message feature that encourages the sending of nudes and a GPS-powered Snap Map, which lets friends and others know the user’s exact location.
- Instagram notoriously has a high volume of inappropriate content. Even if your teen has a private account, they can still search the entirety of the app, and the amount of pornography and Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) on Instagram is extensive.
- Discord is dangerous because the messaging app, often used by video gamers, gives teens access to public and private chat channels. These channels can provide a high exposure to porn, cyberbullying, and hate speech. They are also accessible by adults, so it is a prime place for online predators to lurk.
Of course, new apps are introduced constantly, so we encourage you to regularly follow sites like Common Sense Media or ScreenStrong for current information.
04
Be transparent with your teen.
As you set up ground rules and establish boundaries regarding technology, always communicate with them what you are doing and why. This creates an environment of transparency and trust. Invite them into the process of establishing boundaries and be upfront with why you’re setting them and what you hope will be the outcome. Teens won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
05
Make a Family Tech Agreement.
A Family Tech Agreement facilitates healthy online boundaries for the entire family so everyone can value safety when engaging online. Creating a Family Tech Agreement should be a collaborative process, involving your teen as much as possible and compromising on things as you are able. Teens typically need to feel some ownership or power when it comes to boundaries. A collaborative process empowers teens to know and understand the required changes, which will also help them establish healthy digital practices into their adult years.
Keep in mind it’s not just teens who need this. Many of the boundaries you establish will also need to be modeled by your personal technology use.
06
Have a contingency plan.
Regardless of how careful you are, there is no failsafe solution. Exploitation can still happen. If you ever suspect or discover predatory behavior aimed at your teen or one of their peers, don’t panic. However, it is essential to report any exploitative situation to the authorities immediately.
Here is a quick list of actions you should take:
- Immediately take screenshots of anything that looks or feels dangerous.
- Block individuals who exhibit inappropriate or predatory behavior.
- Explain to your child that you are doing these things to keep them safe.
- File a report with the police, offering as much information as possible about who is involved and in what ways. Supply evidence.
- Call the National Cybertipline to report potential abuse or exploitation and receive additional recommendations for action steps.
- Seek help from a counselor or mental health professional if needed.
07
While parenting in a technologically advanced world might be new territory for you, and you might feel overwhelmed by what you don’t know, you don’t have to be intimidated. The more you educate yourself about the dangers and steps you can take to avoid them, the more you can help guide your child into adulthood unharmed.
At The Exodus Road, we want to stop exploitation before it begins. That’s why we are passionate about equipping parents to feel comfortable and competent in this digitally connected world.
Want an easy to reference guide for protecting the young people in your life?
Download our special resource, “8 Steps to Protect Yourself and Young People Online.” Just complete the form below, and we’ll send it to you!
